he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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