fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
