he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
