She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
