If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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