fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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