Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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