Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The uberlube is also flammable
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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