once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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