Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
They took my balls.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
