I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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