They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
