There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
