i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
