I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Watching her eat just hurts me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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