just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
