I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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