Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
