You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
