just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
