dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
