I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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