i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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