I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
do herpes really smell.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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