is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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