Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
