By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
