hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
