five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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