Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
