nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.