just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
