I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
