I just made out with a guy for $7.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
