Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
