Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
