i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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