I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
