Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
wanna go halves on a baby?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
