i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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