swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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