My hand turned me down
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
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