Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
