I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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