Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
