dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
