i permit you to call me
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
