cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
