I wannas sexs uuuuu
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
