I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I need a burrito and a hug.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
3 2 1 whiskey
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
