Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
