i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
