I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
