I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You need a sexual gate keeper
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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