I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize