I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
