it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
