we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
