oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
