Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
