she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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