I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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