1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
