I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
