Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
