I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
