garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
