I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
