Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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