This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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