I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Sext me about skeletons
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
