The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
